Fave Quotes
• Chuck: "I'll be so mad if you're lying you'll have me scratching the drapes."
• Ned: "I'm not lying. Please don't attack the window treatments."
• Ned: Look at you all judgy -judge.
• Olive: Doesn't she look like that dead girl?
• Emerson: She looks exactly like that dead girl.
• Coroner: "You the dog expert?"
• Ned: "Uh-huh."
• Coroner: "Already had a dog expert."
• Ned: "I'm the other one."
• Coroner: "Mm hmm."
• Ned: You stay here.
• Chuck: I just wanna look in through the window.
• Ned: You can't. You can have your pie, but you can't eat it thats the way it works.
• Chuck: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
• Ned: I'm not a fan of a hug
• Chuck: Then you haven't been hugged properly.
• Ned: That's fine for someone else to do if I'm choking on something else than emotion.
• Olive: I used to think masturbation meant chewing your food . . . I don't think that anymore.
• Emerson: I was in proximity, bitch!
• Olive: How was your convention?
• Ned: Conventional.
• Coroner (to Chuck): Are you the toxicologist?
• Chuck: Yes.
• Coroner (to Ned): Aren't you the dog expert?
• Ned: ...No.
• Ned: I'm sort of embarrassed to do this in front of you.
(At the Pie Hole)
• Ned: I asked you not to use the word "zombie," it's disrespectful. Stumbling around squaking for brains, that's not how they do. And undead? Nobody wants to be un-anything. Why begin a statement with a negative? That's like saying "I don't disagree." Just say you agree.
• Emerson: Are you comfortable with "living dead"?
• Ned: You're either living or you're dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"? Doesn't that sound nice?
• Emerson: Sounds like you're narcoleptic.
• Ned: I suffer from a sudden and uncontrolable type of deep sleep?
• Emerson: What's the other one?
• Ned: Necrophiliac.
• Emerson: Words that sound alike get mixed up in my head.
• Olive: Me too! I used to think that "masturbation" meant chewing your food. [awkward pause] I don't think that anymore.
• Chuck: You can't just touch someones life and be done with it.
• Ned: Yes I can thats how I roll.
• Ned (to Chuck at the end): I just thought my world would be a better place if you were in it.
• Chuck: I'm a friend of Ned's.
• Olive: (looks Chuck up and down) Does he touch you?
• Olive: I used to think mastubation meant chewing your food... I don't think that anymore.
• Ned: It's nerves, aggravated by a stomach thing. It's like acid reflux but in my eye!
• Emerson: Are you in love with her? 'Cause it's that level of stupid.
• Emerson: How does he look?
• Ned: Fine but my threshold is pretty high so you have to take what I say with a grain of salt.
• Emerson: That ain't a grain of salt. That's one of them blocks they give cows to lick.
• Murderer (trying to open door to Chuck's room): Oh for Pete's sake! This is a nightmare!
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